The Day was Going Great ’til I Rolled Down the Driveway

This past Monday which was accompanied by a full moon, started off like any other day of the week; with me not wanting to get up. The exception being, instead of getting up to head to a 9 to 5, I woke up, b.s. around a bit (and by a bit, I mean a lot) before turning on an app. Yes, an app. Currently, I’m an independent contractor for Postmates and Uber (but we’ll put Uber back in a corner and I mean way back).

Anyway, today started off like any other day with my dilly dallying around waiting for the lunch rush to hit. So, I waited and waited and waited until finally receiving the first ping at 11:44 am to Teriyaki Madness. This was great since the restaurant sits directly outside of my apartment complex and is less than a minute drive. I meandered over to Teriyaki Madness and picked-up an order for, let’s say the customer’s name was Becky; I switch over to see the drop off location on the next screen. I see an address with a note just below which reads “I’m on the Starbucks patio”, which, honestly perplexes me, as the Starbucks is literally across the street. When I say that it is across the street, I mean you could hop, skip and jump into the parking lot of the Starbucks, as it is directly across the street from Teriyaki Madness. My initial thought is, there is no way anyone can be this frivolous that they would order from Postmates and pay the delivery fee (and we’ll come back to that in a moment) for food to be driven directly across the street. In fact, I was so much in denial, I literally began driving towards a Starbucks several miles down the road, until I noticed the address numbers and began receiving frantic texts from the customer, who saw me driving away via the app. Quickly, I pulled into the next upcoming entrance of the shopping mall directly across from the restaurant and delivered the food to Becky, whom couldn’t be bothered to walk across the street to retrieve a teriyaki bowl.

After texting friends and finally overcoming my bewilderment of what occurred, I went onto the Postmates customer app to see for myself, what it would cost to purchase a chicken and rice bowl for delivery. $7, yes, you read that correctly, 7 fucking dollars. It may have taken her 21 steps to cross the street and possibly play Frogger for 30 seconds or so, to get that simple dish; however, for the mere $0.34 per step, Becky couldn’t be bothered.

The day continues and for the most part, I am having an exceptional Monday. Daylight savings time, didn’t pay it no mind. I am accepting and denying deliveries left and right. Then it happens, it is my second to last order of the night. The entire day has been as smooth as buttercream frosting. Then I pick-up an order from a Chinese restaurant called Baidu China Bistro, haven’t heard of it? Neither have I. Even the delivery of the Chinese food to the customer was without incident. However, you know what didn’t? Me simply walking back to my car. I quickly headed back to my car when suddenly, I had the split second realization, “oh shit!, I’m falling”. I allowed gravity to run its course, as if I had a choice. I would love to say that I didn’t tumble and roll all the way down the driveway just shy of the sidewalk like Humpty Dumpty. However, I remember being upright at the top of the driveway and then suddenly laying at the bottom of the driveway questioning “how hurt am I?” When you reach a certain age and you fall down, you no longer spryly spring to your feet, as if nothing happened.  No, you take a moment to lay there and assess a) can I move and b) is there anything broken. In my fall, I hit my already bad knee, my left hip, twisted my right ankle, as well as hurt my left wrist and thumb. After, taking a moment to recuperate, I looked around to make sure no one saw me fall. And down the street, there was an elderly woman walking her dog and since neither seemed to pay me any attention, I slowly turned, and looked in the direction of the paned glass door, in which I just dropped off the Chinese food. There was nothing and no one, the homeowner, was likely about to stuff his face with dim sum, and had no clue the Pillsbury dough girl that just delivered his food had crescent rolled her way down the driveway. I proceeded to get up and noticed that my hot/cold bag was at the entry way atop the driveway, meanwhile, my car keys, business cards, and pocket change were strewn all about. Slowly, I made my way up to my feet retrieving those items closest to me, first it was the business cards, then my keys, next in line was my pocket change of $0.36, before slowly making my way back up the driveway to get the Postmates hot/cold bag. Along the way, I noticed 4 loose pebbles from the homeowners desert landscaped front yard had made their way onto the driveway and more than likely were the reason for my fall.

However, I would not be deterred, nope not today. After collecting my things, I made my way back to a specified hot spot and got pinged for another call. I let the misfortune of that fall roll off me just like I rolled down that driveway. Now tomorrow, may be a different story, as I likely may not be able to move. But today, I am rolling with the punches.

I Drove to the End of a Dark Gravel Road

It was 10:40 at night when I received a ping from the Fleet app; upon fully viewing the details of the order, I read the following note, it said, turn down the gravel road and go all the way to end, there is a gate on the right. Go through it and go to the barn.

There is absolutely nothing unusual about this delivery request, is there? Anyway, I am horrible at following instructions.  It’s not so much that I am horrible at following instructions, in that, I usually do not take the time to read nor care to actually follow them. However, as a Postmates courier, following instructions is an essential component of the service.

It was the last delivery of the night, I know it seems like all things rideshare starts this way but it’s the truth. And this was the third trip of the night to the same restaurant. The final destination was somewhere off Mountain’s Edge. Just as the name implies the development is built right to the edge of a mountain. Well…..let’s provide some context. It’s not a mountain…mountain as you’re often apt to visualize. It’s larger than a mole hill but not anything close to let’s say Mt. Everest or Kilimanjaro. A more apropos name might have been Hill’s Edge but why admit that something’s a hill when you can refer to it as a mountain. The development name is neither here nor there unless you actually know what I am referencing. My point being that as I drive out to Mountain’s Edge which has been in existence for years now, yet is still poorly lit, I approach the destination and there is no light. When I say, there is no light, I mean no light as if, even the moon refused to have light shone on it. As I slowly turn down the gravel road, I pass a gate and proceed farther into the darkness before finally stopping at the end of the gate.

It is so dark it seems as if I have driven into an underground tunnel. Fumbling around in the darkness, I attempt to turn on the flashlight feature of my phone to provide some luminescence. While the phone light did the best it could to provide some light it, it was meaningless. The flashlight feature on the phone would be analogous to attempting to start a fire in the desert with only rocks and dirt around you. Sure, you could take all the money out of your wallet and set it ablaze but it’s not going to provide any warmth and when rescuers find you, you’ll still be cold and now broke. Honestly, I know the plot of this horror feature, the black person always dies first and I keep this in the forefront of my mind. So just like any unwilling victim in a horror movie, I did the next best thing; no, I didn’t leave. I called my friend Val on the phone and let her know of my impending death. She said to be careful and I planned to be up until the point of being chopped up or buried alive.

I could hear the animals stirring about as I approached the gate but in the spirit of full disclosure, I should let you know the animals I’m referencing were horses. This fact, placed me somewhat at ease, since as far as I am aware, horses aren’t known for eating and disposing of dead bodies. Then, Val tells me to turn on my bright lights in the car which sounds even better because at least I would be in my car and out of harm’s way. Quickly, I hop back into my car and proceed to drive back down the little gravel road. On my way, back, I see a very frustrated man draped over the first fence I decided to bypass in order to drive into the abyss.  Quickly, I hopped out of the car and gave him his sushi, closed the app and headed home. After all, it had been a very uneventful night.